Different Money Habits — When Opposites Don’t Attract

The following article is by Kim Potgieter, Certified Financial Planner, author and coach; who gives us some valuable insight into money management strategies that can help provide South Africans achieve financial freedom:

Money habits can make or break a relationship. You’ve seen it before – one partner loves to spend, the other tracks every cent. One wants full control while the other avoids money matters altogether. One thrives on spontaneity, while the other plans every financial decision down to the last detail. And while opposites attract might hold true in romance, when it comes to money, those differences can create serious tension.

Money is one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships. In fact, studies show that money fights are the second leading cause of divorce, right behind infidelity. Yet, many couples never openly talk about money until a crisis forces them to. The good news? Different money habits don’t have to divide you. When handled well, they can actually strengthen your relationship.

Why do we handle money so differently?

Our relationship with money is deeply personal. It’s shaped by how we grew up, the money messages we absorbed as children, and our past experiences. If money was scarce in your childhood, you may have a scarcity mindset – always saving and hesitant to spend. If you grew up with financial security, spending may feel more natural. I’ve worked with clients whose fathers controlled all the finances, leaving their stay-at-home mothers dependent. Now, as adults, they only feel secure with a secret nest egg.

Our money habits aren’t just choices; they’re often subconscious patterns we carry into adulthood, shaping how we save, spend, and manage financial decisions in our relationships.

Money opposites: who are you?

Here are some of the most common money personality clashes I’ve seen in financial planning meetings:

• The saver vs. the spender — One is focused on security, the other on enjoying the moment.
• The investor vs. the risk-averse — One loves taking financial risks, the other wants everything in cash.
• The planner vs. the avoider — One creates spreadsheets for everything, the other ignores money matters.
• The joint vs. separate accounts debate — One wants full transparency, the other prefers financial independence.
• The generous giver vs. the frugal keeper — One gives freely to family, friends, and charities, while the other believes in saving every cent.
• The worrier vs. the optimist — One constantly fears there won’t be enough, checking balances and stressing over worst-case scenarios, while the other trusts that things will always work out.

These differences aren’t the problem – it’s how you navigate them that determines whether they pull you apart or bring you closer together.

How to make different money habits work

1. Have courageous money conversations

Talking about money isn’t easy – especially if you’ve been avoiding it for years. But silence leads to tension. Set aside time to talk openly about your money habits, where they come from, and how they impact your relationship. Approach it as a team effort, not a confrontation. The goal isn’t to agree on everything. It’s to listen, understand, and find common ground.

2. Understand each other’s money triggers

Our childhood experiences shape our financial behaviours more than we realise. If one partner grew up in a financially unstable home, they may feel anxious whenever their bank balance dips below a certain amount. If another partner grew up with plenty, they may have a more relaxed approach to spending.

Ask each other:

• What is your earliest money memory?
• What do you fear most about money?
• What does money represent to you: freedom, security, power, control?

Understanding your partner’s money story can help you navigate differences with empathy instead of frustration.

3. Agree on Shared Money Goals

Couples who set financial goals together argue less about money. Research shows that 87% of couples in strong marriages plan their finances as a team. Whether it’s buying a home, saving for a holiday, or planning for retirement, having shared goals keeps you working together rather than against each other. When both partners commit to a plan they believe in, they’re more likely to follow through – because it reflects what truly matters to them.

4. Find a balance between joint and separate finances

Should couples combine their finances or keep them separate? There’s no right answer – but there is a right answer for you.

• Some couples pool everything.
• Others use joint accounts for shared expenses and separate accounts for personal spending.
• The key is to agree on a system that feels fair and keeps both partners financially secure.

5. Keep the conversation going

Money isn’t static, and neither are relationships. The key to long-term success is ongoing conversations. Try scheduling money check-ins monthly or quarterly and talk about what’s working, what’s causing stress, and what needs to change.

Remember that you don’t have to agree on everything, but you do need to understand each other, communicate openly, and build a financial plan that reflects both your values. Money is not about winning or losing. It’s about creating a life together where both partners feel heard, respected, and empowered.

You can check out more from Kim Potgieter by heading over to her website, where you’ll find a wealth of resources and information on essential money management tips and conversations.